Did You Put That Noose Around His Neck?

Would you want your legacy to be that you hurt your child or another person's child because they weren't in an appropriate car seat or seatbelt in an accident?

Would you want your legacy to be that you hurt yourself, your family or someone else's family because you were on the cellphone or texting while driving?

Would you want your legacy to be that you hurt someone else or yourself because you were drinking and driving?

Would you want your legacy to be that you missed all of the warning signs of bullying or you didn't stand up against bullying because you didn't want to see it?

Of course not!

Ask yourself this...

Your Child's Legacy...
Would you want your child's legacy to be that of which they were the one who caused another child to feel so desperate that they took their life because of bullying?

Your Child is Being Mistreated!
Make sure you know whether your child is being mistreated at school. Teach your child to stand up for themselves or help them get out of the situation. It isn't just a kid thing. Listen to your children or look for warning signs like depression, fear of school, anxiety, anger, frustration and lack of friendships.

Your Child is a Bully!
Make sure your child isn't the BULLY. It is NOT just a kid thing. Teach our children to be empathetic (able to put themselves in the shoes of another, feel what they are feeling). You don't want your children to be responsible or feel responsible for the death of another child because they were bullying them. It won't matter whether you think it was their fault or not. What is done is done and it is what it is.

What kind of Role Model Are You Anyway?
Role model as a parent! They learn by example. If you speak unkindly of people or make it acceptable to say mean things or do mean things, then they will emulate that behavior. If you are "bullying" your child, they will imitate that behavior onto others.

Are you a Paper Wrinkler?

Take a clean white piece of paper. A blank canvas filled with potential and hope and creativity. Now crinkle it up. You can still flatten it out and use it but the wrinkles will always be there. The scars from mean words and actions don't go away and are still visible today. It doesn't matter who is doing the wrinkling to who.

There are things I still carry with me that I still fight with that people said to me when I was young.  They are the wrinkles in the paper that have made me feel unworthy and not good enough. I may not have had it as bad as some but even those few words or unspoken words, remain a part of a person for life. I can say now, I don't believe those words but that doesn't change how I felt at the time; humiliated, sad, mad, unworthy, ugly and small.

Did You Put That Noose on That Child?
Something even worse might happen in which you and your child (though you may not think directly) might have to live with the consequence of what bullying can push another child to do whether out of sadness ("Nobody needs me here.") or by revenge ("I'll get them by taking my life. They'll be sorry then.") No matter how you look at it, "the bully" will live with that for the rest of their lives just as if you killed someone texting and driving!

Please do not ignore either side of bullying. Every child deserves to be happy and feel safe. It saddens me to the core to think any child feels afraid or so desperate that they cannot live to their potential.  See both sides! See the flip side... where another point of view makes a better you!

We must fight bullying!





Inspired by an article from Kids Empowered this morning!
http://www.mynewsletterbuilder.com/email/newsletter/1411271207

Shoely You Know Her

Walking in Someone Else's Shoes

Every shoe has tongue,

Click here to see who's shoes.

They all have a sole.

Every shoe has a heart

And a story to be told.

No matter what they look like

Whether old or new,

They are all quite different

Every single shoe.

Take the time to learn

What they have to say.

A whole different person.

Will be revealed today.

She is really smart.

And a friend indeed.

Sometimes afraid of failure,

But will often take the lead.

She was born on 19 September 1979 and she was nearly twelve when she first attended private school.

She is an overachiever who excels academically, and is "very logical, upright and good". 

Her parents are dentists and are a bit bemused by their odd daughter but very proud of her all the same.

She recalled being called a "little know-it-all" in her youth.

She has a lot of insecurity and a great fear of failure. 

She has the ability to retain an encyclopaedic wealth of knowledge.

Her name is derived from William Shakespeare's The Winter's Tale. 

Her parents liked to prove how clever they are...gave [her] an unusual name that no-one could pronounce. Her original last name was "Puckle". 

She is an only child.

Can you guess who's shoes these are? 

Meet Me Where I Am!

I was scanning through Postive Detroit Twitter handles and came across this article about bringing people back to Detroit and appreciating the stuff that's happening there. The article is a great promotion for Detroit. It is hopeful for it's comback. It is encouraging for business owners downtown. It makes Detroit sound like "the place to be."

What the article isn't,  is compassionate to it's suburban readers and the people they want to come back to Detroit. As I became encouraged by the good things coming out of Detroit in the article, I was then shot down for living in a suburb of Detroit and criticized for frankly being fearful most of my life to spend much time down there. The article became more dangerous than actually going Downtown.

Example of my fear: Last year, while we were at a Tiger's Game, a man crawled under our car, unhooked something that we have never figured out, he waited down the street for us to come back to our car and find that it didn't start (did I tell you it was dark and we were pretty much the only car left in the lot and yes I put my ring in my shoe and was freaking out) while the man with a backpack approached our car telling us he could fix it. He crawled under, did something, went under the hood, talking us up all the while he changed his name twice, closed the hood, guilted us out of $50 (that's all we had) and went on his merry way. As he left, I said, "he just duped us." My husband said, "brilliant!" I punched him. I was scared.

Now that doesn't happen often. It was our fault because we stayed out longer than expected leaving our car vulnerable and ourselves for that matter. You have to be safe in any city. We learned our lesson.

I was born in Detroit and grew up off of 8 Mile (no I don't know Eminem) down the street from the Booby Trap (no I'm not a stripper) and on the dead end of the Pepsi plant ( I personally like the brand that comes with a smile ) until first grade. My parents moved us to a suburb after our house was ransacked and we were robbed, packs of dogs were roaming our streets and they felt it was unsafe for their family.

My dad owned a business on 7 mile for many years (which he moved to a suburb because it became unsafe) and my mom worked for the Detroit News downtown for half of her career  (and took the bus down there). Throughout my life, I've gone to festivals downtown, skated downtown (not the new rink either), I've gone to dinners and theater downtown, I've gone to bars and clubs downtown and I've gone to sporting events. I love Detroit (where and when I feel safe).

My point is that we have been taught it isn't safe, we've experienced unsafe situations and we've heard stories. It is unfair to make people feel bad for choosing a safer place to hang out for now. The article insults the very people it wants to bring down to Detroit.

The author of this article needed to take the "meet them where they and take them where you want them to be." (-S. Duperon) approach. Let me know you appreciate and have empathy for my choices and decisions to live in the suburbs and not venture downtown for now and then give me the goodies and dangle the carrot of Detroit to bring me back there. I don't want to be guilted into coming back.

I am thrilled to see Detroit make its comeback. There are some great areas to hang out, have dinner, see a show and have drinks. It is even safe to walk from one place to another.

I understand his passion in the article and I appreciate it but it lost me in the criticism, which is a shame. I am not writing this in anger at all. I like 2/3 of the article. I am just shedding light on another point of view or perspective that isn't being appreciated. Whether the article's view is true or not, it is in the presentation of the argument that cuts off the cycle of reciprocity.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/toby-barlow/detroit-meet-detroit_b_1097133.html

I'm Speechless

I gather my things the night before my presentation. I have my bag full of papers, writings, hand-outs and random, really unneeded items but, you never know. I pack for a trip the same way. I need choices. 12 pairs of shoes for 6 outfits is usually sufficient and 6 outfits for 3 days. I figure, if I can fit it in one suitcase, then who cares? Except whoever is handling my bag and can't lift it into the transport vehicle. I just smile, shrug, bat my eyelashes. Doesn't work for women as well. But, they seem to understand and give me that reassuring wink.


So, I have my posters, my books, my plan and directions.


I gather my thoughts and mull them over all night due to the inability to sleep. I think to myself, "That's funny. I'll say that. Will I remember to say that? Will they think its funny? Be yourself. Be genuine. I want to be entertaining too. I'm no comedian. Be yourself."


I arrive at the college and meet my coordinator who has already informed me that we can't get into the space until the time I am supposed to start. That means setting up while everyone is coming in and now waiting for me probably thinking that I am late. "Oh well. Work it out. Don't let em' see you sweat. Be yourself."  I hope what I have set up on the computer and projector works. There is always an uncertainty with technology. I don't need it anyway.


There is a room full of men and woman, mostly woman. They are at round tables staring at me in anticipation. I hope they know I don't sing or dance. I'm just telling my story. As I begin, I look at their faces to see if I can sense their interest in me being there or their enthusiasm for being there on a Saturday. I'm here on a Saturday, too and I am not getting paid for it either (by choice). I am excited to be able to speak to some educators like me. I want to inspire the teacher's of the future.

As i am speaking, I am trying to stay on track, be inspiring and not choke on a dry throat. People are smiling or laughing on cue and knodding in agreement. On target. Inspiring maybe. They are tuned in. Unfortunately, I have noticed someone quite close to me who is what Lady Gaga sings as, Poker Face. No expression, no interaction, nothing. Why is it that I am now focused on her? It doesn't matter how anyone else is reacting, I am completely focused on her. I get nothing from her. "She hates me. She is bored out of her mind. She is wasting her Saturday here listening to a dimwit."  STOP focusing on the negative. Be positive.


I finish the presentations to questions and comments and applause. I am pleased. Still some focus on Poker face. Then, she gets up and comes over to me. Here comes the advice...."don't quit your day job, you could shorten it up a bit, you, you, you. " If I would just shut off my insecurities for a minute, I would find out that she actually enjoyed my presentation and thinks my Flip Side concept is really great. "WHAT? Come on. "
I spent half the presentation worrying about her and she, in fact, enjoyed it. ARg.

Here is the point of writing this. It is not easy getting up in front of people, in front of a judgmental world. There are many perspectives to presenting. Most people these days are so overloaded with entertainment that we expect to be entertained at every moment. So it is a difficult task to get up in front of people and entertain them while trying to teach them something or inspire them.  Presenters have all eyes on them and they see YOU. They see your expressions (or no expressions), they see when you approve or don't approve, they see when you are bored, they see when you are on you are texting and they see when you are enjoying it. It is a balancing act to continually create and recreate a presentation to fit the audience listening.


9 times out of 10, most of the audience doesn't want to be up there, unless it's my husband who is in the audience. He is the 1 out of 10 who does love being up there and he is good at it. He is an awesome and dynamic speaker. I believe that the audience is just as important in a successful presentation. If the speaker is getting feedback from the audience, the speaker will feed off of it. They can gear it up or down depending on the way the audience is reacting.  Shake your head in approval if you agree with what they are saying or if you are inspired by what your doing. It is like when you go watch your children speak or perform. Nobody, almost nobody, just sits there without expression or reaction. We always give them feedback to show our approval for their efforts and abilities. Why not for adults too? That little child is still in there who has some fears of rejection or disappointment. When I am at a presentation, I always give feedback with facial other physical expressions like clapping or just paying attention. I give verbal feedback like asking a relevant question or sharing a story or at the end, if I really enjoyed it. I go out of my way to tell them. I think it is critical for helping a speaker grow.


So, when you are at a performance or presentation, see yourself as an audience member in a different perspective. See your self as the speaker and how it feels to be up there and see yourself from the eyes of the speaker. What do you look like? What vibe are you giving off? Are you giving positive feedback. That is not to say we aren't going to be at a BAD presentation once in a while but try to see something positive in it. They are up there for a reason. They either enjoy being up there or someone is making them to do it and it might not be their thing.  


Something to think about.