Chapter 41: Redefining Amber (Again)

Now that all of my three beautiful children are in school all day, it is just me, all day, every day. Who am I now? Lots of time to figure that out.

I have reinvented and redefined myself many times in my life. I have embraced every change and decided what each chapter of my life is about.

God knows my chapters have had their villains and their struggles that make me who I am today. Even the bad ones helped me grow and learn. It took some soul searching sometimes but, like peeling an onion, I had to find the core to know why I needed to go through what I have gone through. Like peeling an onion, I cried a lot too.

 But I've also had many glorious, fun, exciting and captivating chapters, too. Ones with laughter and adventure, ones with love and romance and ones with giggles and little toes.

Now I am going to decide what this chapter is about. It is about Amber the mom (always important), Amber the wife (always important), Amber the author, Amber the speaker (never thought I'd be that), Amber being healthy (40 and fabulous comes with a price....a gym membership) and Amber philanthropist.

So, I will figure out what all that means, embrace it and show my kids that life has chapters that make us interesting. If your chapter isn't a happy one,  try to rewrite it or make it a short chapter and start a new one.

Life is like a box of chocolates. Some are creamy and chewy and dreamy and some are, well, filled with scary fruit or nougaty stuff (though that may be your happy chocolate). I just take a bite, spit it out if i don't like it and try again.

Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get. Forrest Gump in "Forrest Gump" (1994)

All That and a Bag of School Supplies

So it is that time of the year to gather the kids,  pile into the minivan and hit the malls, Target, Sport Authority and everything in between to gather school supplies, new clothes, new shoes, sports equipment and everything in between.

Our kids are getting older and older. Deep Sigh. Which means we are getting older and older. Deep Sigh. Cough. They are becoming a reflection of our fleeting young selves, though inside we still feel like that young care-free youth craning our necks at a good-looking passerby. Ouch, my neck.

My kids are still very little but now they are ALL school-age. The first time in 8 years, I will have a full day to myself to work, to clean, to shop (much to my husband's chagrin), to have lunch with gal-pals and everything in between.

Do you hear that? The choirs of angels singing?

I have loved every minute of being home with my kids....ok, not every minute, but I wouldn't trade it for a minute (except the minute I didn't love, then I'd trade that minute).

My friend on the other hand has an older daughter that puts us (she and I) to shame in a bikini. I even wanted to throw a towel around her at the pool the other day. Not to hide her from boys but so no one would compare her to me. Jeez.

My friend enlightened me with her trip to the mall for school shopping. Something I had never contemplated before. As they walked through the mall, my friend noticed boys, men and those in between, throwing glances their way. My friend's inner youth strutted by feeling like "all that and a bag of chips" only to realize that their eyes weren't leering at her but gazing at her daughter who was naively unaware.

What the h@## are you looking at? Obviously, not me anymore. They are looking at my daughter. After a moment of disappointment and realization, mother hen emerged. "Pull that down." and "Cover that up." "Let's go!"

It was a moment of realizing "they aren't looking at me anymore," to "holy crap, they are checking out my little girl." What do you do with all that?

Before we realize it, we are on the flip side. The side our parents were on when we thought we'd never be on that side. We can do all we want to hide it, change it, disguise it and defy it but it is going to happen even we make ourselves look like a 70 year old Barbie that melting in the sun. I am not saying I wouldn't do anything extreme to stop the aging process. I dye my hair, I lather on creams, I stay out of the sun and everything in between. I have not yet done anything severe (yet?).

My hope is to grow old gracefully. I think the better you feel about yourself and the life you are living, it shows everywhere else. I couldn't be happier where I am and who I am with and all that I am doing so I believe that shows.


Through confidence and role modeling, I will teach my children to walk tall and be proud of who they are and who they grow up to be. My daughter watches my every move so I have to be careful what she is picking up from me but I also have to be who I am and be honest with her and myself (along with a bottle of hair dye).

Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces into their hearts.  ~Martin Buxbaum




Comments and/or reactions much appreciated!!