In The Middle of Chaos

Last winter, we spent a long weekend in Northern Michigan skiing in what I consider perfect skiing weather with kids. 41 degrees, decent snow, not too icy, not too sticky, sunny and no wind. There were no complaints skiing all day.

The minute we removed the bindings, the boots, the snowpants, the gloves, the hats, the coats and the goggles and face wraps, the bickering began. Oh, have mercy on our aging souls. The fighting is never-ending.

I know our kids love each other. I know because the minute I threaten to leave one behind out of frustration, they leap to each other's defense to save each other from abandonment. "But we can't leave him, we love him." I whisper my secret strategy to reassure them that I am not actually leaving one of them behind.  Wait! Maybe that's why they don't take me seriously. Sigh.

When those moments are over, I hear, "Don't touch me!" "Your an idiot!" (which is said under breath in hopes that we won't hear but the intended will)  Scream, yell, he said, she said, blah, blah, blah.

On top of the fighting is the crowd control. Making sure everyone has their things, everyone has manners, everyone finishes homework, nag, nag, nag. I feel like a nag. They are going to call me a nag some day, I am certain.

Well, tonight, a tv show came on that resonated well and gave me a laugh. The show is called The Middle (Episode: The Sit Down). I don't ever watch it but tonight the show's opening caught my attention. They were talking about how a good morning starts a great day. Really? They had clips of the good ol' 1950s families having breakfast peacefully and everyone going about their business without issue. I might have even PHFFFTTT at the TV thinking, "What in the world am I watching?"

Then...all h<!!  broke loose when the clips ended and the actual show started. The Middle family was MY family. Maybe mine is not as chaotic as on the show but they had the clothes on the floor, the lost clothes, the unfinished homework, the sarcasm, the bickering out the door, the never-ending eating, the idle threats.... I could see us in those characters.

We are not alone I tell you!!!

I called my husband down to watch. He laughed as well. I called my two oldest kids down (ages 9 and 7) and told them that they made a tv show about us. They watched in amazement at the similarities and asked, "How did they know we do all that? Is it because you are an author now." HA. They thought it was funny.

The show tickled my funny bone and reassured me that we are not alone. We feel like our worlds are spinning out of control but we are all spinning together. We just need to laugh about it and realize that when our kids are fighting, they are learning how to deal with people in the world and stand up for themselves. When they forget things, they are learning how to be responsible and just need reinforcement. When they sass us, they just need...well....SOAP IN THE MOUTH! Just kidding. They need more hugs and love. Remember, we aren't alone.


Did anyone else see that episode and see a little bit of their family?

Watch it here: http://www.hulu.com/watch/332064/the-middle-the-sit-down

Sour Puss Hair

My daughter was doing my hair today; brushing, squirting, ponies, braids, tears. I love that. I loved doing my mom's hair. I love having my hair done even more.

As I touched my hair, I said her, "Doesn't my hair feel kind of yucky today." She said, "I don't know," with a shrug as I looked at the cloudy water in the squirt bottle. I proceeded to taste the lemonade she was unknowingly squirting in my hair. Mystery.

Do You Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve?

I have ben MIA for a while. My book, Just Because, release has confused my routines.

Lessons for your kids....

Do You Wear Your Heart on Your Sleeve?

Subject: Emotions and Feelings

Objective: Teach children to identify with their emotions and share their feelings.

Materials: Book: The Way I Feel by Janan Cain

                           Small paper heart

                           Decorations

                           Feeling Faces worksheet (Younger- http://ow.ly/9tkKF) (older- http://ow.ly/9tkUn)

Set or Motivation: 

Play a little game of "How am I feeling?" Cover your face. Reveal it using some expression of being mad, sad or happy. Have the child or children guess your feeling.

Plan:                       

Read Story: The Way I Feel  (http://www.amazon.com/Way-I-Feel-Janan-Cain/dp/1884734715/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&qid=1330999175&sr=8-6)

Talk about feelings and how others know how you are feeling. Talk about how important it is to share your feelings and how important it is to notice other peoples feelings using body language and facial cues. If someone looks sad, ask yourself if  you are causing them to be sad or if they need help. If someone is mad, ask yourself if it is something you are doing or is there some way you can help them. How can you make someone happy or make someone smile? Talk about what it means to wear your heart on your sleeve and how that might make others feel or how others will respond to you differently if you do.

                              

Conclusion:    Cut out some paper hearts the size to fit on your sleeve. Decorate them and

 attach them to your sleeve. 

         

My son was more closed off with his feelings. He was actually hurting other people's feelings because they thought he was being mean. He was actually acting a bit shy. When my husband would come home he wouldn't openly give affection (he would turn his back for a hug) though he is a very loving boy. I had a talk with him about wearing his heart on his sleeve and how he could show that he cares about others by his actions. 

Now he smiles more at people, says hi, runs to hug his dad and tells him how much he loves us all the time. He needed permission to share his feelings. We also give our children permission to refuse affection that they are uncomfortable with. We told them they can put their hand out to shake hands instead of a hug or kiss or plainly say no thank you. A good person will understand.

                           

                           

Video Message on the Flip Side

A Video Blog Update!

See what's happening on the Flip Side!

Join the A-mob-azon!

http://www.theflipsidestories.com/a-mob-azon.html

Spread the word!

Free link to an animated and interactive version of my book!

Buy a book and leave a review on Amazon 

and let me know on www.facebook.com/flipsidestories

on 

2/12/12

February 12, 2012

It's Ok to Say No

We do our best to limit junkfood and candy in our house. It isn't restricted but it's also not unlimited. None of us drink pop on a regular basis. I am the only one who will have a coke to top off a good and hearty cholesterol filled junkfood meal like pizza or fastfood. If I go halfway, I may as well go the distance.

One thing we have told our kids is that when they are at a party or at a friends house, they will be offered some things that we don't prefer them to have at home. They don't have to say no unless it is something we feel very strongly about like caffeinated pop (later alcohol). I don't hold it against anyone else if they let their kids drink soda. I feel that they will  spend a majority of their lives drinking caffeine and sugar drinks so why start this early.

We told them that if they say no to any of those types of items, we would do something nice for them whether it is go to the dollar store or take them somewhere special if they tell us that they refused to have those things. We have also told them that they can make us the bad guys if a situation becomes uncomfortable for them to say no.

My kids have actually demonstrated the ability to say no. My son has come home from kid parties on multiple occasions (7 and 8 years old)  and said that he had water instead of pop. He refused it even though all of his friends had some. We ask if he felt bad and he said no. It wasn't a big deal. He just said that he doesn't drink pop. We were very proud of him. We rewarded him with a trip to the dollar store.

On the flip side...

We are realizing that teaching them how to say no to these things at an early age is teaching them how to say no to other things later. If they are offered beer or drugs at a party, there is a strong possibility that they will say no if they feels it is not right to do. We are trying to empower them at an early age. All we can do is give them the tools to say no.

Obvously, it isn't a guarantee. We can only teach them what we can and hope it sinks in.

The most important key is being present and loving them more than anyone else can so they know home and family is the safest place for them to be themselves.

Halloween on the Flip Side (revised)

A Kid and Parent's Halloween Point of View

Kid: 

It's creepy things that lurk and hide.

It's scary movies where things die.

 Parent: 

Halloween is month long fun?

Not for me, but for my son.

Kid:

It's witches, goblins, ghosts and ghouls.

It's dressing up and going to school.

Parent:

It's choosing costumes months ahead

Changing minds, "I want this instead."

Kid:

It's corny mazes and the pumpkin patch.

It's creaky doors with a latch.

Parent:
They pick their pumpkins, 20 per?

I hand my cash right to her.

Carving's fun...to watch, you see,

All the work is done by me.

Kid:

Haunted houses, fear is fun.

Haunted forest where you must run.

Parent:

I thought that i-- had outgrown

Haunted houses that creak and moan. 

They make me go out of fear

They think it safe if I am near.

Kid:

Parties made for dressing up.

Grab a costume to put on pup.

Parent:

It's all the parties that I will drive,

I used to go to four or five.

I went out and had MY fun

Drop them off and now I'm done. 

Kid:

House to house we use our feet.

For Trick or Treating can't be beat.

And then... we eat and eat and eat and eat.

Parent:

House-- to-- house--we-- use-- our-- feet.

Trick or treating up the street.

All the candy to rot their teeth

It's the dentist, we bequeath.

I say all this, I do complain.

But I love it all just the same.

Chapter 41: Redefining Amber (Again)

Now that all of my three beautiful children are in school all day, it is just me, all day, every day. Who am I now? Lots of time to figure that out.

I have reinvented and redefined myself many times in my life. I have embraced every change and decided what each chapter of my life is about.

God knows my chapters have had their villains and their struggles that make me who I am today. Even the bad ones helped me grow and learn. It took some soul searching sometimes but, like peeling an onion, I had to find the core to know why I needed to go through what I have gone through. Like peeling an onion, I cried a lot too.

 But I've also had many glorious, fun, exciting and captivating chapters, too. Ones with laughter and adventure, ones with love and romance and ones with giggles and little toes.

Now I am going to decide what this chapter is about. It is about Amber the mom (always important), Amber the wife (always important), Amber the author, Amber the speaker (never thought I'd be that), Amber being healthy (40 and fabulous comes with a price....a gym membership) and Amber philanthropist.

So, I will figure out what all that means, embrace it and show my kids that life has chapters that make us interesting. If your chapter isn't a happy one,  try to rewrite it or make it a short chapter and start a new one.

Life is like a box of chocolates. Some are creamy and chewy and dreamy and some are, well, filled with scary fruit or nougaty stuff (though that may be your happy chocolate). I just take a bite, spit it out if i don't like it and try again.

Life is like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're going to get. Forrest Gump in "Forrest Gump" (1994)

A Labor (Day) of Love

I have the greatest husband and father to my children. He takes the brunt of the wild child attacks. He risks serious injury child tossing (not a mommy-approved game) and this weekend (like many before), he spent hours upon hours in the waters of Lake Erie being the anchor and life saver on a huge island raft with our three children.

As I sat on an Adirondack chair, taking in the fresh air, listening to the waves and thanking the good Lord it wasn't me on the raft, I felt a little left out. It was my fault. I have a slight phobia of the water, especially lake water or big water.

It makes me nervous.

It feels dirty to me (I am not a germaphobe). It's sandy and seaweedy and the bottom feels weird.

There are creatures in there I can't see.

I'm a wimp.

I did go out on it the first day, gameface and all. My husband dragged us waaaay out. It wasn't deep but it still made me very uncomfortable. It sounds weird. I felt like I couldn't just go in if i wanted to without a long trek through God knows what.

I fell in once and made a forced laughing and panicky scramble back on. That was the moment my husband realized how I really felt about it. He doesn't get it but he was sweet about it.

I've always had fears of water. I can swim. I don't like anyone attacking me in the water. Some people do like it. I've seen it....from the shore because I scramble out of the water as fast as I can when the shananagins begin.

Most of the time, I watched from the shore and waited for the warm towel signal. That's an important job. I am the end of the party hero, right?

So the last full day of our trip was chilly. Not cold. I still had a jacket on and light sweatpants. The kids ran around half naked. After dinner, the kids begged my husband to take them out one more time. He agreed. He's the hero. I'm the towel girl. Phhfft.

He grabbed the kids and the raft, took a deep breath as he began the final trek into the sea of frolicking chilly fun whilst I grabbed my book, A Place of Yes by Bethenny Frankel, which I am purposefully reading sooo slowly because I like it so much and I don't want to finish it. I plopped down on my plastic orange Adirondack chair (which is the smartest kind of chair- you don't have to paint it) and chose to read and watch the fun. With giggles and laughter they headed out to the deep (not so deep).

I began to read about Bethenny's motherhood experiences and advice, most of which I know but sometimes need to be reminded.  As if she were sitting in the chair next to me, she told me that we need to be present in our kids lives. Have fun with them. They know when we aren't paying attention or aren't interested.

I looked around as if someone was watching what I was doing. I looked out at the water. It looked cold. I was so warm. It looked seaweedy and dirty. I was clean.  It looked like they didn't care if I was out there. They probably do care.

I hummed and hawed about how much I didn't want to go in. They wouldn't take notice. I should go in. For them. They want me to go in. But I don't like it. But they do. They would laugh and love it if I did. Go in. Go in! GO IN!

I slipped out of the chair, ran up to the house, tried to change my mind before I changed my clothes. I covered up my suit to surprise them....or so I could change my mind. I ran down. Then I turned around and ran back up because I forgot my water shoes. Ucky-muck on the bottom (its actually really sandy and nice).

I ran down, disrobed and ran for my life into the water like Bethenny was chasing me in. In a "place of yes". Yes, yes....cold water, no, no....YES!  Would Bethenny go in? I'd make her.

There was laughing and screaming as I ran in toward them. "Mama is coming! Yaay!" They were happy I was coming. I knew they would be. We all laughed and splashed and had a great time. They all thanked me for coming out.

I saw the flip side of not wanting to do something because I'd be uncomfortable.  I saw joy and memories. It was worth fifteen minutes of cold and discomfort (thank God Matthew got cold and needed mama to take him in). I sucked it up. Houseys don't wimp out.

The Kids are Back in School

First Day of School with Mom! My babies.

My kids started school this week. It becomes a bit of a panicky time for me. I get a little crabby (rowwl), a little weepy (sniff) and a little excited (squeal).

Notice it says "flip". :)

It is my job to teach my kids responsibility and accountability. I took them school shopping to help pick out their school supplies.

Oh, the fun for them as they toss supplies into the basket like they've won a free shopping spree. I hear "Can I have this? Can I have that? I NEED this. So and so has that."

I am bombarded by lists and office supplies and art supplies and voices (some high pitched whines. Because that works? I think not) and background noise of the store. Great for my ADD. i want to run to the clothes section for ME and get swallowed up by the racks and disappear. I hold strong and stay calm.

The weekend before school starts, we drag out all of the supplies and begin to sort them. Again, it is easier to do it myself but the teacher in me says there is a lesson in here somewhere. Another voice says insanity is sure to follow.

School supplies are strewned wall to wall and now mixed up because I have misplaced their lists. Note to self, don't start project without all ingredients laid out. Disaster is imminent.

Now they are old enough to pack lunches. Teaching moment, right? But it's easier if I do it myself but we must teach independence. The mess comes first then hopefully the ability to care for themselves comes later (sooner than later).

Backpacks are packed, endless notes and information cards are signed and checks (all their college money) are made out to someone named Holy Name. Breathe.

Kids are off to bed while it is still light, dragging their feet trying to make summer last but one minute more. That would be that minute that I mentioned in previous posts that I don't love about being a mom.

One of our favorite books.

Get to bed! Get to bed! Get to bed!  GET TO BED! Before they put me in a straight jacket or your father hears that one more time and makes it his mission save mom from being taken away leaving him to be the sole caregiver.

I try to stay calm and loving so they will have a perfect first day of school.  Perfect is relative. Our perfect includes a little bit of a crazy mom. They scramble when it appears the paddy wagon is coming for me.

Then I spend the rest of the evening getting a special breakfast ready, tying up loose ends and laying out clothes to make the morning routine go smoothly (I know, the clothes,  another teaching moment- tomorrow). I am always hopeful I can make this a common routine but it usually wanes after a week or so. Ok, after a couple of days.


Today is the third day of school and it is a full day for everyone. I dropped off all three of them and watched them walk into the school all by themselves. My little Kindergartener walked in ahead of the other two with his backpack on his back, faded into a pack of kids, turned the corner to his classroom and never looked back. The other two (second and third grade) repeated the same turning the opposite way to their classrooms. I was left at the outside door by myself wondering if they will be ok and more so, will I be ok?

Is There A FLip Side?

I am home now. Do you hear that? Silence except the fish tank burbling, the breathing dogs and....and.....what's that? Ahhhhhh-ahhhhh-ahhhhhh. Choirs of angels singing. I am free. Cause I'm free to do what I want,  any old time. For the first time in 8 years, I have a full day to do whatever I want.

Guess what I am doing today? Lunch duty!!! hahahahahahahaha!

(I do have a mani-pedi later too)

Daddy walking with Kindergartener. 

Leave a comment to let me know you visited! Thanks!

All That and a Bag of School Supplies

So it is that time of the year to gather the kids,  pile into the minivan and hit the malls, Target, Sport Authority and everything in between to gather school supplies, new clothes, new shoes, sports equipment and everything in between.

Our kids are getting older and older. Deep Sigh. Which means we are getting older and older. Deep Sigh. Cough. They are becoming a reflection of our fleeting young selves, though inside we still feel like that young care-free youth craning our necks at a good-looking passerby. Ouch, my neck.

My kids are still very little but now they are ALL school-age. The first time in 8 years, I will have a full day to myself to work, to clean, to shop (much to my husband's chagrin), to have lunch with gal-pals and everything in between.

Do you hear that? The choirs of angels singing?

I have loved every minute of being home with my kids....ok, not every minute, but I wouldn't trade it for a minute (except the minute I didn't love, then I'd trade that minute).

My friend on the other hand has an older daughter that puts us (she and I) to shame in a bikini. I even wanted to throw a towel around her at the pool the other day. Not to hide her from boys but so no one would compare her to me. Jeez.

My friend enlightened me with her trip to the mall for school shopping. Something I had never contemplated before. As they walked through the mall, my friend noticed boys, men and those in between, throwing glances their way. My friend's inner youth strutted by feeling like "all that and a bag of chips" only to realize that their eyes weren't leering at her but gazing at her daughter who was naively unaware.

What the h@## are you looking at? Obviously, not me anymore. They are looking at my daughter. After a moment of disappointment and realization, mother hen emerged. "Pull that down." and "Cover that up." "Let's go!"

It was a moment of realizing "they aren't looking at me anymore," to "holy crap, they are checking out my little girl." What do you do with all that?

Before we realize it, we are on the flip side. The side our parents were on when we thought we'd never be on that side. We can do all we want to hide it, change it, disguise it and defy it but it is going to happen even we make ourselves look like a 70 year old Barbie that melting in the sun. I am not saying I wouldn't do anything extreme to stop the aging process. I dye my hair, I lather on creams, I stay out of the sun and everything in between. I have not yet done anything severe (yet?).

My hope is to grow old gracefully. I think the better you feel about yourself and the life you are living, it shows everywhere else. I couldn't be happier where I am and who I am with and all that I am doing so I believe that shows.


Through confidence and role modeling, I will teach my children to walk tall and be proud of who they are and who they grow up to be. My daughter watches my every move so I have to be careful what she is picking up from me but I also have to be who I am and be honest with her and myself (along with a bottle of hair dye).

Some people, no matter how old they get, never lose their beauty - they merely move it from their faces into their hearts.  ~Martin Buxbaum




Comments and/or reactions much appreciated!!

Recycled Bad News Beads- A Flip Side Project

Are you sick of bad news? Is it hard to find something uplifting and creative to read in the newspaper? Well, I have an idea for you and your kids (and you will enjoy it just as much as your kids).

This the flip side to bad news.... Recycled Bad News Beads!

What you need: sheets of newspaper or magazine toothpicks glue scissors Ruler pencil nylon thread or cord Here's what to do: 1. Mark the top of the newspaper or magazine at 1" intervals all the way across. 2. Then mark the other side, beginning 1/2" from the edge and continue to mark 1" intervals on this side, all the way across. 3. Draw lines connecting the mark at the top to the marks at the bottom creating long triangles. 4. Cut out the triangles on the lines. 5. Lay the triangle down with the wide end nearest you. Lay the toothpick on the wide end and begin to roll it on the toothpick. 6. Then glue inside strip. Wind up until point is securely glued. The point should be in the middle of the bead. 7. Remove toothpick and let bead dry. 8. Make about 10 beads. 9. Thread beads onto a piece of nylon thread or cord. Tie ends. 10. Wear as a necklace!

The A-mob-azon 2/12/12!

Well the Amobazon is here starting at midnight. I am hoping to inspire as many people as I can to help me gain exposure on Amazon for my new book Just Because. I have been asking the people I love and people I don't even know to support me a lot these days. I want everyone to know how much I really appreciate it. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I am not a salesperson by any means. At least I thought I wasn't. I realize now that when you truly believe in something, it is far more than "selling" it for money, it's selling a concept, an idea, a passion that drives me. My motivation is not fame and fortune, it is purely doing something good for the world and especially our children.

So, tomorrow, I am asking, begging, encouraging, inspiring, pleading, empowering you to help me raise awareness of a book that will make a difference for children and adults around the world. It will teach those who read it the value of helping those in need and being aware of other points of view.  We will also be raising money for Building Bridges Charity with a portion of the proceeds.

By purchasing the book on Sunday 2/12/12 and thereafter, it will raise it in the rankings so that it will get noticed. If enough people join us tomorrow, it could reach Best Seller. That would be the cherry on top. It is also important to leave reviews on Amazon and use the 5 star scale.

I created the Amobazon out of something called an Amazon campaign. I felt that if you had enough people who believed in your book, your cause and in YOU, then it could work this way. It is not a money maker for me because Distribution and Amazon takes a huge cut. I am hoping it is worth it.

I will be on Twitter (imaflipsider) using #amobazon  all day tomorrow and my Facebook (www.facebook.com/flipsidestories). If you buy a book, let me know in one of the locations and I will post the password to the online interactive version of the story.

Join the very first Amobazon!   More info here:  http://www.theflipsidestories.com/a-mob-azon.html

Thank you once again for your support.