Construction Zone

Don't let the peaceful beauty of this picture deceive you.
That deck was violent. :)

You've saved some money, or not, to do this fabulous project on your house. A new kitchen (been there), a new bathroom (friends doing that now), 
an addition (friends contemplating that) or a new patio (under construction now) to name a few. We excitedly saved some money and decided to finally rip out our splinter producing deck 
(or tear-producer) and put in something that doesn't require a needle by the back door for removing wood spears from the bottoms of little and big feet or that doesn't send unsuspecting family or friends through it, chair and all (happened and she thought she had been drinking too much).

See the tractor on the grass...oh, not grass, hay and dirt. :(

We started the process in, um, MARCH! Ok, so it was the planning and drawing part. The project would start in April so we could enjoy it in the summer (novel idea). Well, then came the rain (the kind that might have carried away Noah and his ark and quite frankly,  I wish our deck too). Then it was put off by catching up on their other projects delayed by the rain. 


Then, summer quickly approached, school was ending and we had family coming in town to stay with us in July. You think there was any chance it would be done before that. Notta chance. Our guests were able to enjoy looking at a grassless, dusty, deckless yard with the added benefit of loud machinery and strangers roaming around in front of the windows. Which also means you must put clothes on before your morning coffee. Ugh. Oh, I forgot the darling dogs who are enjoying rolling around in the dirt filled yard. Our black one looks like a ghost dog. I said I didn't want to live on a farm.

So, here we are, late July and not even half-way done. What is done, looks fabulous. But, what isn't done, looks like a war zone. Betcha didn't know we have land mines in our yard. That's what it looks like. Oh, and the smell of rotting grass smells like hot garbage (or again, a dang farm). 

See the ground outside the patio. That would be what my
yard looks like now and smells like a farm.

The key to construction is add 1/3 to the initial quote and double the time you think it will take and multiply it by two. Similar to taking care of someone in the hospital, you have to make sure you know the plans, watch the plans and be present during the project. We have found that a board room (or I should say a brick room) is necessary to communicate with the designer, the foreman, us and the actual workers because it is like playing the childhood game of "telephone" trying to relay what the actual plan is through the chain of command. You start with "lattice design" and end with "mashed potatoes". What? How do you put a patio table on mashed potatoes? 


So, the process continues. They are out there today busting it out. One of the guys said to us this morning, "I'll wish you a Merry Christmas when it's done." Very funny. Maybe "Happy Halloween." Ugh. A lot is getting done today while I bring them lemonade and gatorade. It is so hot out there. I am a wimp. I'll get them some food soon. Hey, I wouldn't want that job and I think it can be a thankless one. We have to take care of them. 


I will share more progress as it becomes available. Mind you, there may be snow on it when its done. :)

Who's Shoes are These?

Walking in Someone Else's Shoes

Click the picture to see who it is!

Every shoe has tongue,

They all have a sole.

Every shoe has a heart

And a story to be told.

No matter what they look like

Whether old or new,

They are all quite different

Every single shoe.

Take the time to learn

What they have to say.

A whole different person.

Will be revealed today.

She's a beauty who wears this shoe.

She graces the big screen .

We didn't know she had these fears.

Struggling since a teen.

She was so withdrawn as a child that her parents had her tested for autism and other psychiatric disorders; the tests did not find anything. Growing up, her worst fear was reading aloud in class, to the point that teachers believed she was having a nervous breakdown. When she took the podium to accept her Oscar in 1997, she couldn't find the words to speak, even though she had practiced for days.  She has spoken publicly about her struggles with panic disorder, agoraphobia and social anxiety, appearing in the HBO film, "Panic: A film about coping".  She received psychological therapy for her anxiety but still remains shy and susceptible to panic and agoraphobia.

Please check a "REACTION" below. 

Have a Garbage-Free Day!

My friend Amber sent me this and said she thought it was a good flip side story. I agree. Good read!







Law of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport
We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.
My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.
So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the 
hospital!'






This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment..
As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally.

Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day.

Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,
so ..... Love the people who treat you right.
Pray for the ones who don't.

Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Have a garbage-free day!

I'm Speechless

I gather my things the night before my presentation. I have my bag full of papers, writings, hand-outs and random, really unneeded items but, you never know. I pack for a trip the same way. I need choices. 12 pairs of shoes for 6 outfits is usually sufficient and 6 outfits for 3 days. I figure, if I can fit it in one suitcase, then who cares? Except whoever is handling my bag and can't lift it into the transport vehicle. I just smile, shrug, bat my eyelashes. Doesn't work for women as well. But, they seem to understand and give me that reassuring wink.


So, I have my posters, my books, my plan and directions.


I gather my thoughts and mull them over all night due to the inability to sleep. I think to myself, "That's funny. I'll say that. Will I remember to say that? Will they think its funny? Be yourself. Be genuine. I want to be entertaining too. I'm no comedian. Be yourself."


I arrive at the college and meet my coordinator who has already informed me that we can't get into the space until the time I am supposed to start. That means setting up while everyone is coming in and now waiting for me probably thinking that I am late. "Oh well. Work it out. Don't let em' see you sweat. Be yourself."  I hope what I have set up on the computer and projector works. There is always an uncertainty with technology. I don't need it anyway.


There is a room full of men and woman, mostly woman. They are at round tables staring at me in anticipation. I hope they know I don't sing or dance. I'm just telling my story. As I begin, I look at their faces to see if I can sense their interest in me being there or their enthusiasm for being there on a Saturday. I'm here on a Saturday, too and I am not getting paid for it either (by choice). I am excited to be able to speak to some educators like me. I want to inspire the teacher's of the future.

As i am speaking, I am trying to stay on track, be inspiring and not choke on a dry throat. People are smiling or laughing on cue and knodding in agreement. On target. Inspiring maybe. They are tuned in. Unfortunately, I have noticed someone quite close to me who is what Lady Gaga sings as, Poker Face. No expression, no interaction, nothing. Why is it that I am now focused on her? It doesn't matter how anyone else is reacting, I am completely focused on her. I get nothing from her. "She hates me. She is bored out of her mind. She is wasting her Saturday here listening to a dimwit."  STOP focusing on the negative. Be positive.


I finish the presentations to questions and comments and applause. I am pleased. Still some focus on Poker face. Then, she gets up and comes over to me. Here comes the advice...."don't quit your day job, you could shorten it up a bit, you, you, you. " If I would just shut off my insecurities for a minute, I would find out that she actually enjoyed my presentation and thinks my Flip Side concept is really great. "WHAT? Come on. "
I spent half the presentation worrying about her and she, in fact, enjoyed it. ARg.

Here is the point of writing this. It is not easy getting up in front of people, in front of a judgmental world. There are many perspectives to presenting. Most people these days are so overloaded with entertainment that we expect to be entertained at every moment. So it is a difficult task to get up in front of people and entertain them while trying to teach them something or inspire them.  Presenters have all eyes on them and they see YOU. They see your expressions (or no expressions), they see when you approve or don't approve, they see when you are bored, they see when you are on you are texting and they see when you are enjoying it. It is a balancing act to continually create and recreate a presentation to fit the audience listening.


9 times out of 10, most of the audience doesn't want to be up there, unless it's my husband who is in the audience. He is the 1 out of 10 who does love being up there and he is good at it. He is an awesome and dynamic speaker. I believe that the audience is just as important in a successful presentation. If the speaker is getting feedback from the audience, the speaker will feed off of it. They can gear it up or down depending on the way the audience is reacting.  Shake your head in approval if you agree with what they are saying or if you are inspired by what your doing. It is like when you go watch your children speak or perform. Nobody, almost nobody, just sits there without expression or reaction. We always give them feedback to show our approval for their efforts and abilities. Why not for adults too? That little child is still in there who has some fears of rejection or disappointment. When I am at a presentation, I always give feedback with facial other physical expressions like clapping or just paying attention. I give verbal feedback like asking a relevant question or sharing a story or at the end, if I really enjoyed it. I go out of my way to tell them. I think it is critical for helping a speaker grow.


So, when you are at a performance or presentation, see yourself as an audience member in a different perspective. See your self as the speaker and how it feels to be up there and see yourself from the eyes of the speaker. What do you look like? What vibe are you giving off? Are you giving positive feedback. That is not to say we aren't going to be at a BAD presentation once in a while but try to see something positive in it. They are up there for a reason. They either enjoy being up there or someone is making them to do it and it might not be their thing.  


Something to think about.

What's Your Noise?

'scuse the PDA. This is from Brooklyn
the same year the towers came down. Brooklyn
bridge in the background.

A friend told us a story today about a trip he took to New York recently. His friend lives in Brooklyn. He described it as a cement jungle. My brother-in-law used to live there and we've visited NYC many times. Yes, lots of cement, lots of character, lots of characters, hoooot in the summer, cooold in the winter, noisy,  great restaurants and all kinds of sounds, sights, and, ooo, the smells (good and baaaddd). I wouldn't want to live in NY but I love its diversity and excitement.

He continued...he was working out in a gym listening to a couple of people chatting. The woman asked the man if he enjoyed his vacation in Vermont.   He exclaimed that it was too hot and humid and it was too noisy... he couldn't sleep because the crickets were too loud! He told her he was happy to be home in Brooklyn.

How funny is that? To each is own. What we think is noise is music to some. What we think is nature's orchestra is worse than car horns, ambulances and screaming and yelling. What is garbage to some, is a treasure to others (I love garage sales-shhh). There are things we might never eat, yet it is a delicacy to some. To learn about those things, hear those things, take the time to appreciate what others like and dislike can only make us grow and be more accepting. I am still not eating bugs or eyeballs or privacy parts from  
                                                 animals...no way...gag.

That story made me giggle. It made me see another side today.  What's your noise and your music?

Double Jeopardy

Amber and Amber 

A friend (named Amber, too) and I were chatting last night. She is a casual friend that I hope to someday become closer friends with. I really like her. Her husband and my husband are "best" friends. I don't think guys say that.  Not "besties" for sure. BFFs wouldn't mean the same thing in their world. Anyway, I mentioned Flip Side and she said, "What's that?" WHAT? "Didn't your husband tell you about my book?" Guess what she says? "What book?" Seriously!  Dead meat!

So I spent a few minutes explaining my Flip Side revolution with passion and conviction. Changing the world. Helping people. Teaching children. Empathy. Compassion. Controlling your emotions. Don't flip em' off. Look at the flip side. She listened with as much enthusiasm. I don't know if it was for me, for my book or because she is so damn adorable and sweet. It fed my excitement anyway.

We shared a couple of related stories and then she asked me what I thought about one of the toughest stories in the news. She wanted to know what I thought about it and how it relates to the Flip Side. It was the story of Caylee Anthony. Funny thing was that I had just been listening in on a conversation at dinner about her and considered what the Flip Side meant in this case. This is one of those tough ones where it is hard to see the Flip Side.

There is a Flip Side though. We assume it was the mother who killed her by the evidence the news gave us  and how we perceived her actions. Some of us wonder if justice was served in the court of law but part of our judicial system is  having enough evidence to prove someone is guilty. The jury judged the case with the evidence that was given to them and it wasn't enough to convict. Whether or not the police and lawyers who collected and presented the evidence did a good job isn't the jury's job to decide. So, that sucks. A little girl is still dead and one or a bunch of people aren't telling the truth. What can we do about that? Nothing. Take justice in our own hands? Not unless you want to end up in Casey's seat. It's out of our hands.

Caylee is gone and she is not coming back whether we convicted the killer or not. I want justice. I want the killer found as much as the next person. I've heard that Casey is going into hiding because she might get lynched. That is her prison. If she did it and anyone else was involved, they are going to be looking over their shoulders the rest of their lives and probably ridden with guilt. You can't kill someone and not feel guilty. you can't protect someone who has killed someone and not feel guilty. Unless you are a mentally ill person who has no conscience or the ability to feel empathy.  Can you imagine going in hiding because people hate you enough to kill you. Killing her is an easy way out for her.

We don't need to waste our emotions on Caylee's killer. Being angry isn't bringing her back. Mourning for her is natural.  Dwelling on it isn't healthy.  Like the OJ case many years ago, it is a frustrating turn of events and infuriating end result. We may never know what happened to her.  I certainly hope the truth will come out and the person who did this will be held responsible. Double jeopardy protects Casey... but Casey has to live with Casey and she may possibly be a very sick person.  If its true what they she says happened to her growing up, then we should feel terrible for her as a child. She is who she is because of the abuse she endured. Does it make killing someone right? Absolutely not. She needs and has needed help long before this ever happened.

Honestly, Amber and I didn't get as deep as that into this topic (one too many glasses of wine to go that deep.) When her husband joined us in the room, I fired out, "Nice of you not to mention my book to your wife." The debate began as to when he told her.  "No you didn't! This is when! No way! I said this! I never heard that!"  it wasn't a fight. They were playfully disagreeing.

So, those are some of my thoughts and none are meant to lessen the horror of Caylee's death but in her innocence, to let her rest in peace, not vengeance.


God Bless Caylee and let her rest in peace.

Racing for the Flip Side

I read an article today about Diane Farr's relationship with her husband. She is caucasian and he is Asian. His family was against marriage outside of their culture or race. It took her by surprise to be rejected for her race in this day and age even though her parents were against her dating outside of her race years earlier. At that time, she stood her ground and insisted her family see it differently and accept her choices of who she wants to love. Eventually they did. She had never contemplated being on that side of the race card, that she would be the "wrong girl" for someone.

After many discussions and conversations between each other and their families, they received support in their choice to marry.  It took a lot of learning and growing from everyone to be accepting of their differences. Diane and her husband loved each other enough to fight for their love and help their families understand that they are willing to work hard bridge the cultures and meet on common ground which in their case was that both of them are American.

When I met my husband, we clicked right away. I, also learned that he is of Lebanese decent. I have to admit that made me nervous. Not because he was Lebanese or because my parents wouldn't be accepting (my parents are very accepting people) but because I was afraid his family wouldn't accept me. I thought it would be an awkward struggle to try to fit into his family. What I needed to do was learn more. His mom is actually not Lebanese and his father is Lebanese American. He was born in the US.  So I didn't have to worry about acceptance into their family. I have enjoyed learning about their culture and the food is delicious. His father was a Lebanese caterer and now my husband is learning to cook like his dad to pass it on to our children.

Learning is growing. We need to be open to learning about each other and our differences. One race, culture, color, religion is not better than another. It is who we are and how we understand our own lives. There is a chance if we are open to learning new perspectives and points of view, our own lives will be enhanced by something unexpected. Learning about others doesn't mean you have believe everything that they do, but you can respect them for who they are.

Remember, if we increase knowledge, we will lower our fears.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/LIVING/07/05/farr.mixed.race.couples/index.html?iref=allsearch

Project Manager

#4 Publishing Process

This is a re-post from a post done on 2/4/10. I am reposting to share the publishing process as I come closer to the completion and release of my upcoming book. It has been a long road but I am sure it will be worthwhile. Sharing with everyone already has been a great experience. 

I was waiting for my project manager/editor to call me to set up our first appointment. She called yesterday. We had a brief conversation. My home phone is dying and cuts out so I couldn’t hear her very well and my two boys decided to start a tag game through the house at high volume.  They managed to follow me around.  I also had to pick up my daughter in fifteen minutes. ugh. I was distracted and couldn’t hear everything. 

Her name is Kris and she seems really nice (and understanding). As a matter of fact, she had a child or two at her end trying to get her attention. Never fails. I spent half of my conversation waving my kids away with a dirty look. Of course, they just looked at me like it was a charades. When that didn’t work, I held the door shut.  I can’t do two things at one time so as I was holding the door, I was trying to hold on to every word Kris was saying. Darn it. I probably sounded distracted and unengaged. I did manage to make an appointment for next Wednesday (I think...of which week or month? Jeez). Can’t wait. I hope this moves along smoothly.  

I have announced my news to friends and family. I have also announced it on Facebook. My friends, old and new, silver and gold, are showing support in drouths. Makes me feel good that everyone is excited for me.  They are all excited for me, but I am more excited to share my stories with everyone. I hope they like my first story. 

This has been a great week. I can’t wait to sit down with Kris.